Creating Sentence Bookends

Sentence 4.

“It made the boy sad to see the old man come in each day with his skiff empty and he always went down to help him carry either the coiled lines or the gaff and harpoon and the sail that was furled around the mast.

This is a compound-complex sentence because the first independent clause is It made the boy sad and the second is he always went down.



Look at the first independent clause and its attached dependent phrase.



It = pronoun


made = verb


the = determiner/article


boy = noun


sad= adjective

to = preposition


see = verb


the = determiner/article


old = adjective


man = noun


come = verb


in = preposition


each = adjective


day = noun


with = preposition


his = determiner/possessive pronoun


skiff = noun


empty = adjective



The first dependent phrase is the infinitive phrase to see the old man come in each day with his skiff empty and it acts as a delayed subject using the dummy It.



Recall an infinitive is a verbal. There are three kinds of verbals; 


• the infinitive ( starts with to and then has the root verb attached to it, for example to see) which can act like a noun (subject, direct object, indirect object, subject compliment, appositive, delayed appositive), adjective or an adverb
• the participle (-ed, -ing ending words) which acts as adjective
• the gerund (-ing ending words) which acts as a noun (subject, object, subject compliment, object of a preposition, appositive, delayed appositive). 


Lesson 13: Consider using an infinitive phrase as a delayed elaboration of a simple subject and separate the two by ensconcing the independent clause in-between like book-ends. Vary your technique here, using a delayed appositive infinitive one time, an appositive gerund the next time, a delayed infinitive subject after that, etc.

 Also in to see the old man come in each day with his skiff empty there isn't  two prepositional phrases at the end since in is not a preposition but a verb particle attached to the verb come and day is the direct object of come in. You can avoid confusing prepositions with particles by moving the suspected prepositional phrase to the front of the sentence to see if the sentence still makes sense. If we do that here it would read in each day to see the old man come with his skiff empty which is nonsensical and therefore in is a particle not a preposition.

Notice the placement of the adjective empty in the prepositional phrase with his skiff empty.  The adjective in this position provides punctuation and syntactic, emotional stress. 

Lesson 14: Don't be afraid to move your adjectives behind it's noun (note: it must follow right after the noun) if it can add further emotional impact and flourish.

The other independent clause and its attached dependent phrase is  he always went down to help him carry either the coiled lines or the gaff and harpoon and the sail that was furled around the mast



Broken down we have.



He = pronoun


always = adverb


went = verb


down= adverb



to = preposition


help= verb


him = pronoun


carry = verb


the = determiner/article


coiled = adjective


lines = noun


or = conjunction


the = determiner/article


gaff = noun


and = conjunction


harpoon = noun


and= conjunction


the = determiner/article


sail = noun


that = determiner/demonstrative pronoun


was = auxiliary verb


furled = verb


around = preposition


the = determiner/article


mast = noun




This sentence is tricky because it’s missing a prepositional phrase that answers where the boy went when he went down. Hemingway leaves it out and has the reader infer that the boy is going down to the shore or dock. If it’s explicitly stated it becomes he always went down to the shore/to the dock to help him carry either the coiled lines or the gaff and harpoon and the sail that was furled around the mast.



Lesson 15: Consider leaving out prepositional phrases if they can be implied without hindering the logic of the sentence.

The phrase to help him carry either the coiled lines or the gaff and harpoon and the sail is an infinitive phrase acting as an adverb modifying the verb went (simple past tense of go) and that was furled around the mast is an adjectival clause modifying the noun sail. 



Notice the use of the correlative conjunctions either ... or and how they create duple parallelism, while embedded in this structure is a rule of three parallelism with the gaff and harpoon and the sail. Also note how the article and conjunction are used by first presenting the by itself and then and by itself and then both together. A nice little pattern to delight the subconscious and likely consciously missed by most readers. Could these subtleties be part of what makes a narrative great. Was Hemingway conscious of this, using them with intent.

The other parallelism that could also be missed because of its large size and because it spans between the two independent phrases is the use of two large infinitive phrases, one in each of the independent clauses. So if we said the independent clause is A and the infinitive phrase is B the structure of the entire sentence would look like;

A B and A B

Finally, the last bit of hidden parallelism is the syllable count in each independent clause; both have five syllables!

Lesson 16: Use parallelism at every level to create complex cohesion.

The Create in Creative Writing: An asside.

In the recent issue of Scientific American Mind (July 2014), an article summarizes the four main steps creative writers can utilize to improve their narrative depth and creative faculty.

Think of the steps like the steps in baking a cake.

The executive summary is as follows:

Step 1: Process/ Mixing the ingredients.

 

This involves exposing your mind to a diverse array of topics. If you're a writer, it means reading a wide range of narrative (literature, biography, who done its, pulp fiction, experimental narrative, poetry, dramas, plays, dialogues, non-fiction, cereal boxes, whatever).

After that you then analyze the techniques each uses to tell a story. Deconstructing and focusing on what makes these narratives tick and appeal to the mind. Exactly what we are doing in this blog!

Finally, you practice the techniques that appeal to you which help reflect your personal style as a writer. 

Step 2: Incubate/ Bake.

 

This involves letting go and forgetting the study and research. Do other things to take your mind off all that processing and mixing. This is where your subconscious takes over and does the baking and it will let you know when it comes up with something novel.

Step 3: Enlighten/ Turn the light on.

 

These great ideas usually happen while walking in a park, in the shower, on the golf course, in the car,  at 4 am when woken from sleep, so take a voice recorder wherever you go. Remember Hunter.S.Thompson in the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

 

 Step 4: Validate/Taste Test:

Present your ideas and creative work to another who is actually qualified to give an opinion. Don't waste your time showing your ideas to Run of the Mill Sally since the uninitiated are unlikely a source of critical thought, constructive help or creative advice.